


ranboo takes a shower

by rainytears



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Not Beta Read, Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Self-Harm, derealisation, i haven't showered in ages nvm, not smut, rlly bad angst, sorry sorry i'll stop, the author is totally not self projecting, water hurts ranboo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:00:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28803960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainytears/pseuds/rainytears
Summary: water hurts ranboo, but is there any other way to bring himself back to reality?
Comments: 7
Kudos: 232





	ranboo takes a shower

**Author's Note:**

> vent lolol  
> wrote this while sad don't expect good quality but i decided it'd be alrigjt to pozt i guess  
> cw for self harm and derealization i think

ranboo sat, hands repetitively running through his hair.  
“i’m real- i’m n- no- no i’m n- am i real..? yes! yes, i am real. no, no, but i don’t.. i don’t feel real..?”  
his cheeks hissed and burned as fresh tears streamed down them, leaving red streaks from his eyes to his chin. the feeling brought him back, assuring him he was still there. the world around him felt like clouds, a mess of fuzz in his brain, like there was a thick layer of fog covering his body mentally and physically.

ranboo wiped the tears across his face, feeling his skin flare, reject the liquid as he forced it to touch each and every inch of him, his cheeks, his forehead. he didn’t care about the red patches, splotchy and unpleasant. what he couldn’t see had no meaning, no worth. 

without thinking, he stood up suddenly, not quite registering where he was going or what he was doing. he felt like he was blinded, his senses overwhelmed with the thick nothingness that forced itself through every inch of his body. where was he? who was he? why was he here?

the sound of running water alarmed him, as he drew back his hand with a hiss. he’d turned the shower on, his mind on auto-pilot.  
‘it’ll bring you back.’ ranboo told himself, ‘it’ll help you feel alright. get in.’

and so he took off his blazer and crown, not quite sure where they landed, not caring anymore. for a brief moment, he reached through the clouds, catching a glance of himself in the mirror. his face was covered in bright rashes, tears still streaming from his eyes uncontrollably, leaving new red marks that burnt deeper on his skin.  
however long the moment felt, it was gone in an instant, and he stepped into the shower - almost robotically. 

the lukewarm water laid itself upon ranboo’s skin, drilling pain into every patch it touched, having no mercy upon the boy. he tilted his head up, letting the liquid coat his face, his scalp, his neck, soaking through his shirt. he ran his firey hands through his hair once again, styling it back. 

‘you’re not real, you’re not real, you’re not real, you’re not real, you’re not real, you’re not real.’  
his mind continued to scream at him. the floor felt like it was falling, his chest was heavy, his arms dropping from his hair down to his sides. the water didn’t even exist to him anymore, the pain was eternal, it had always been there, it always would be. he sobbed, shoulders aggressively rising and falling and he hunched over, the water drilling onto his back. ranboo scratched and pulled at his sides, his shoulders, anywhere he could reach. he had to be real. he had to know he was real. was he real? was he simply searching for comfort in a lie? 

oh god, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take of this. he wanted it to stop. he wanted everything to stop. he wasn’t even sure what was the matter anymore, what started this ‘episode’. the shower no longer bothered him. it was the only thing stopping him from simply.. becoming nothing, in a sense. he wasn’t sure what he could do anymore. he was pitiful. dream knew. tubbo knew. tommy knew. techno knew. quackity knew fundy knew everyone knew everyone knew everyone knew everyone knew everyone kn

they all knew.

all of his friends knew. 

anybody he cared for knew.

who were his friends anymore? the memory book was in his room, but he hadn’t an idea where that was. if he left the shower, he wasn’t sure what would happen. it was barely keeping him in reality as things were. 

ranboo wondered how the people in his book would feel if they saw him like this. would they feel bad? would they try to help? would they laugh? would they simply dismiss him as the mess he was?

clumsily, he lowered himself down onto the floor of his shower, feeling his body start to collapse in on itself. he took a look at his hands, the red noticeable on both of them, even through the dark shade of his ‘enderman side’. it was probably worse there, even. he didn’t care anymore. it didn’t process. the pain was an escape. his only choice. there was nothing more to do.

closing his eyes, ranboo brought his mind down, trying to focus on the little things. everything was a blur, there was very little to focus on, but he found something. bringing all of his energy towards that little thing, letting his chest weakly rise and fall, slowly shifting out of the way of the water. he was real. he was real. no. yes. no he wasn’t. he’s not real- yes he is, yes he is. 

a dizziness overtook him, a side effect of the water. of course. he didn’t think of that while he turned on the water, did he? it wasn’t like he had the ability to form rational thoughts at the time, anyway, but did he forget that water could almost kill him? if he passed out now, he’d have to pray that somebody found him before he simply.. he wasn’t even sure. would he die? he might.

and so, as he felt himself slipped away, pray he did.

**Author's Note:**

> interaction iz rllt appreciwted it makez me happy and makez me feel liek people are actively enjoying my worl


End file.
